The Jah Wobble Guide to Camden.
There was me, The Girl From Ipanema and Dwight B Eisenhower walking up the Grand Union Canal. Onlookers were amazed as the sweet pure waters of this ancient thoroughfare held our weight. From the towpath, an Emperor Hirohito look-alike announced the return of Sue Ellen from Dallas , Boney M and an East Anglian toy manufacturer from a camping trip in the Pyrenees.
We disembarked at Camden Lock. 'Over here, over here!' trilled The Girl From Ipanema. Dwight B and I ran expectantly across Chalk Farm Road. At first, we simply could not believe our eyes. The Girl From Ipanema had found an authentic Mexican restaurant complete with a genuine plywood facade. The facade featured a cactus and sombrero set against a blue sky. In my travels around the world I've only seen this on 1,896 other occasions.
Next we discovered 'continental' Camden's burgeoning cafe society. We placed ourselves around Inverness Street so as to overhear the conversations of the remarkable men and women who frequent establishments such as Bar Visigoth and Bar Centrifugal Force. I thought my cappuccino and Greek salad was excellent value at £84.76.
."Hey, come and see the man with insincere eyes selling overpriced religious artefacts" called Dwight B. I don't know if it's the truly religious atmosphere of Camden or the bang on the head I received from a low ceiling in '82, but suddenly I experienced past-life recall. I was a South American shaman. I wore a suit made of feathers (Beaks of Camden £435). I carried a warrant as a Camden Market Inspector. My duties were to inspect the market and act as a conduit between the worlds of the seen (physical) and unseen (spiritual). When I wasn't on duty at the market I'd play cards with my mates at the London Zoo aviary.
Suddenly we were in a dangerous situation: deep in our shamanic trance we'd drifted too far south! To the very portals of Camden Town Underground station and..... poor people! "Well," I thought, "a proper busman's holiday this has turned out to be and no mistake".
I gave The Girl and Dwight B the bum's rush. On the corner of Arlington Road and Parkway I found the Goodfare Restaurant. The compassionate Buddhist vibes of Camden Lock must have affected me; instead of my normal cafe order ( mixed grill), I had tuna and egg salad - a tasty, yet nutritious meal. The staff treated me in a highly dignified fashion, which I believe my position as commander- in- chief of the Royal Swedish Air Force quite rightly affords me. This more-than-common courtesy they achieved without ever being obsequious. I believe you British call such people 'real human beings'.
Well it really seems that Camden has got something for everyone, whether it's nail-biting canal cruises , fake Orientalists or authentic holy men sequestering alms. Another must are the daily Greek tragedies at Camden Town tube station featuring the Underground staff personifying the ideals of the Apollonian cults of ancient Greece while the wine-imbibing followers of Dionysus display their wildly intuitive, subjective and emotionally unrestrained disposition for all to see. At first these attributes seem antipathetic, but then like all the other seemingly contradictory aspects of Camden, you will come to see them as complementary.